Intrepid Flickerings

The missing comes slowly, like aging does, comes quietly in the night while sleep clings to my lashes and cheekbones and mouth. One day I woke up and everything was different. I could see people I’d run into by accident, snatches of grass or dirt or hair or more skin on an arm or calf after stepping out of the shower. I am made of missing, of constantly reaching and yearning for places seen but never visited, people thought of but never met. I am a half-finished crossword puzzle, a ten letter word for ‘a deep, pensive, long-lasting sadness.’ The words still get caught in my throat, still cause cramps in my fingers and lodge themselves in my knees and in my ears like cotton balls. All I can hear is the faraway chorus of the ocean just barely beneath all that cotton. I am the red lipstick stain left behind on the cooling cup of coffee, forgotten for the sake of a child’s cries. The pieces, the shards of glass, the snapshots of a life, scattered and ripped and swept up, swept away. I am homesick, seasick, peoplesick. I am all ghost, hardly any girl. I fade. 

(Source: fleurishes)

So over the last week I have worked like crazy - Monday (2 hours - got called in because they were short a person), Wednesday (2 hours - offered to go in because they were short a person), Thursday (6 hours), Friday (8 hours), Saturday (7 hours), Sunday (6 hours), and today (Monday - 8 hours). I earned over $360!!

I also have the best boyfriend ever, even though we fought all weekend. He definitely made it up to me though, and I am so lucky to have him and so blessed to be his.

So right now I am all wet from my shower and in my nightclothes, don’t have my contacts in but do have my glasses on, have an ocean candle lit in my room, the window curtain pulled to the side a bit so I can see the lightning out my window, the fan on a comfortable setting, am drinking tea and eating chocolate covered coffee beans, and am so utterly content right now that it is insane.

I wish I could feel like this more often.